(( Ode to anxiety ))

When you’re sinking hard and there´s nothing to grab on to, you feel the air swooping around you and you wait. Your aggressiveness tampers with your temper, ties your wings and spits in your brain. While you wait you loose, you loose time, time that belongs to you, that is yours. It goes to waste and you see it go away. You can’t hold on to it, you try but yours fingers perforate its veil and you feel the sands of time run down your fingers.

And you’re there. Just there, naked, simple, waiting. You feel how your insides burn and melt but you keep a cool face. Nothing should escape, no one should know. No one should know. The end doesn’t come, suffering lingers and the weak light of hope passes through your head but your mind is not there anymore. It is trapped, caged, bound. At that point you are too blind to see it, too numb to react. Your hands are in fists now, cold sweat runs down your forehead, your face is red and so is your mind. About to explode, about to destroy everything because waiting does all that.

Your heart gets used to the pain, your mind gets used to repeat the countdown, your fists to the tension and you just keep waiting, counting until the final blow finishes it without realizing that you already reached rock bottom and you 

can´t sink any more. From now on everything should be upwards but you’re to busy hating the floor. Too busy.